you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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