margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
