Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
