More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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