Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
