oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
