if i can run in heels then i can drive
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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