Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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