last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
