I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm going to jail i love you
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
