i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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