I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
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