you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
