Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
