Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
