We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
