God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
