Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
