he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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