Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
a search helicopter?!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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