He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
