Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
