If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
