So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
