I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
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He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
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You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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