I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
