Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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