Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
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And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
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Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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