We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
