his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.