stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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