gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
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oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
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There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm getting married
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS