Texts From Last Night

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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.

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  (720): I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit. http://tfl.nu/09qd
  Replies (19) Good night (638) Bad night (3784)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut

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  (205): Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut http://tfl.nu/pdjw
  Replies (68) Good night (1117) Bad night (5555)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.

  (510): View more from California

  YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  (303): I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it. (510): YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!! http://tfl.nu/7kxq
  Replies (133) Good night (1314) Bad night (29834)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.

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  (613): I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/nxz1
  Replies (35) Good night (12073) Bad night (1276)
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  (315): View more from New York

  The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.

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  (315): The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style. http://tfl.nu/brn7
  Replies (15) Good night (5213) Bad night (1247)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob

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  (330): We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob http://tfl.nu/gzh9
  Replies (25) Good night (4776) Bad night (1477)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.

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  (479): Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band. http://tfl.nu/kt6h
  Replies (3) Good night (2621) Bad night (1100)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!

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  (757): then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?! http://tfl.nu/zl1v
  Replies (14) Good night (1047) Bad night (4154)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.

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  (952): Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me. http://tfl.nu/t30r
  Replies (10) Good night (1916) Bad night (953)
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  (916): View more from California

  I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up

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  (916): I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up http://tfl.nu/ccq8
  Replies (5) Good night (2743) Bad night (984)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.

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  (+44): He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window. http://tfl.nu/rmmm
  Replies (4) Good night (1235) Bad night (462)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.

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  (952): Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me. http://tfl.nu/gmmg
  Replies (3) Good night (467) Bad night (1295)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.

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  (414): Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside. http://tfl.nu/lx27
  Replies (3) Good night (772) Bad night (411)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?

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  (248): We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ? http://tfl.nu/vd2y
  Replies (1) Good night (810) Bad night (347)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.

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  (940): See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks. http://tfl.nu/9nre
  Replies (2) Good night (585) Bad night (289)

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