The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
