WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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