im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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