apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
