if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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