got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
