Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

you were so drunk you slurred your pauses

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(404): View more from Georgia

"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made

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(619): View more from California

You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.

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(845): View more from New York

our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(206): View more from Washington

I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"

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(440): View more from Ohio

Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.

(512): View more from Texas

That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.

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(810): View more from Michigan

It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n

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