He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he fucked my hip out of place.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.