I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It's Friday. Sex?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.