fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Found your dick twin last night
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days