i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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