According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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