please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you mean i was at the winter classic?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's official drugs can't kill me
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
