Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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