He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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