last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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