Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
