she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
