I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
