he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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