i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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