Everything about him screamed your future.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
