We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
