Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
