...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
