Dude my mom stole all your condoms
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
