We're like a lot better than the average bears
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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