His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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