we have officially lost it.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
