I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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