A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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