Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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