I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.  Â
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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