You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
