I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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