using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
