Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
