Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
