I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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