how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
This house was built for laser tag.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
