Define "chronic" masturbator.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
