someone threw a dead crab at me
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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