There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
