Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
