I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just google imaged poop.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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